New Years Goals

I've never been too great at New Years Resolutions. I used to make super ambitious ones like to not fight with my brother for the whole year or to not eat anything remotely unhealthy. Needless to say, I would fail miserably, usually within 72 hours of making the resolution.

I also have never been really great at setting life long goals. During sophomore year I went to this workshop put on by the head editor of the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books and his talk was about what all successful people have in common. His message was that the successful people he knew had created a bucket list(list of goals to achieve before you die) at a young age, and had persistently worked through the list during their life. I attempted to start a bucket list, but I was not very good at making one of these either. My goals and aspirations changed to much, so the only thing I have consistently had on my list is white water rafting down the Grand Canyon before I die. This seems like a really empty list to me.

Needless to say, at times I was concerned about being successful in the future since I didn't follow these stereotypical traits of successful people. However, I realized at some point that I was completely forgetting about something I did every year that worked way better for me then any of the silly methods listed above.

It all started freshman year during basketball season. Our coach made us right down goals for the season. My main goal was to play varsity by the end of the season. However, I was afraid of being judged or being considered arrogant for thinking I was even capable of this goal, so I didn't write it down for them to see. I kept thinking about the different goals I had and finally wrote them down over Christmas break. I expanded from basketball season goals to goals from the whole year. For the most part, I forgot about writing them down, but when I achieved my goal of playing varsity I definitely remembered. In my enthusiasm I went and wrote the date I achieved the goal in very excited writing. It was an incredible feeling. After that I forgot about the goals until the next Christmas break, but when I found them again it felt so good to read over them and check off the ones I'd achieved that I decided to do it again.

Ever since that year, at some point over Christmas break I will write down my goals for the upcoming year. I value the fact that they are completely private. I can make each goal as ambitious or petty as I want, and I can say from previous experience that they range from the goal to talk to my crush to goals of long term mission trips or obtaining a full ride scholarship. Shoot, this year I even made a new years wish, because its my goal list and I can do whatever the heck I want :)

Going through the prior years' goals never gets old. I get to see how my focus has changed, and what goals I've reached. It's an awesome feeling, and its something I plan on doing for the rest of my life.

So for all of my friends out there, I challenge you to do the same. Sit down and think about anything you'd like to accomplish in the next year, and write it down. Put it away somewhere you'll be able to find it in a year, and then forget about it till this time of year rolls around. It'll be well worth it.

when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on

A lot has happened since I last wrote. The couple weeks of happiness and bliss ended very abruptly. I think it started with shitty weather over thanksgiving break cramping my style. Then came the the series of phone calls and texts the night before thanksgiving that came persistantly until i answered. Wanted to prevent another 45 missed call night so I answered and got entertained by "he who must not be named." I just say this because I feel that's how my family approaches him, like he's effing Voldermort or something. The call left me unphased, as I am in a great relationship, and have been unphased by this fellows shenanigans for the past year at least. However, I managed to let it slip to my lovely mom the reason I was so drowsy the next day. Somehow the info was passed to my dad, who drilled me over the breakfast table where my grandma was listening. An anger possessed her that I've never seen before and she let me have it. I have never in my life had her yell at me, so myself and the rest of my family members were fairly astounded to say the least. So I guess that's what I get for trying to do a good deed for an old, (although admittedy crazy) friend. Ooops

Next we were launched back into school, where I must say, I feel like teachers were giving this very specific message "You enjoyed your Thanksgiving break? WEll F*** you. We are going to make your life hell" Along with three final exams to take (2 weeks before finals) I managed to get my car stuck 3 times in 1 evening, kill my battery and have to revive it at 5am, spend $586 on tires, and play a key role in our team losing in an intramural basketball game. To top the week off I got a little too enthusiastic with my celebrating on Friday and learned that I in NO WAY can handle taking 3 shots in 1 evening. Yipes. Let's just say when it comes to puking I was going for a marathon, not a sprint.

To say the least, it was a rough week, but I survived, and all the thing that happened were fairly petty. Being busy 18 hours a day will prepare me for later in life I'm sure. The next week took its toll on me too, but some good things happened during this time as well. I got to go to my first ever Apple Cup, and even though we lost, it was lots of fun. I've been up to the mountain 3 times to attempt snowboarding; although I'm not sure how I feel about the sport, I love the adventure and the challenge. I've made new friends, and bonded with old ones before they head off into the next chapter of their life.

Shockingly, I didn't do super well on my 3 tests. I've had a few minor meltdowns and if you were one of the people who helped me through; thank you.

I guess what I've learned these past three weeks (or re-learned) is: things go wrong, people steal your ideas, people get sick, people say things that hurt your feelers and sometimes you fail. It's okay though. Life goes on because when things go wrong, someone's act of kindness helps you out of a rough patch. When people are jerks, you're friends will be there to back you up and laugh it off. When you're sad, you have people to hold you both literally and figuratively. Lastly, when I fail I learn much more about how to be successful in the future. I'm not sure where that came from or if it makes sense. I need to get back to studying though. I'm looking forward to reconnecting with everyone over break!

Remiscing

My family decided to watch a movie and me, being the responsible student that I am, decided to go study instead. One hulu episode and 30 minutes of facebooking later I decided it was time to hit the books. However, fate was to intervene. I glanced up at my bulletin-turned-quote board that I made at the beginning of high school.

To give you a better vision: the background is black paper, and about 3/4 of it is full with decoratively cut-out quotes that were printed in all different colors. I took a random approach to picking quotes - some funny, some inspirational, some romantic, some just random (when I got tired of looking but needed more to fill up my board) The last 1/4 of the board is a little chaotic - school projects, old corsages from dances, track ribbons, pictures of friends, notes from loved ones, pictures, etc.

I was hit with a wave of reminiscing over the good times I've had in the past. The incredible people I've had a chance to meet. The talented teams I was on that allowed me to cut our net down year after year, the chance to compete at State in track and basketball. The great prom dates, and the stupid ones too <3 My friends from childhood, and those that I picked up later in life :) All of them who accepted me for my crazy goofy self. Even though I didn't intend to write a thanksgiving blog, I guess I kind of am. Even though I haven't always taken the easiest path, I am so so glad that I took the one I did. I may not of been grateful to have been stuck in Burbank for 16 years of my life, but as it turns out, I had pretty dang good childhood. I may have picked the wrong school to go to originally, but hey, I'm at the right one now. I may have picked the wrong people to trust and give my heart too, but I now I know who really has my back. When it comes down to it, as one of my quotes says "It's about the journey, not the destination"

Anywhooo, I'm going to cut myself off before I bore you, BUT, for those of you who wish to continue, I'm going to list some of my favorite quotes from my quote board. I'll just admit it right now, I love cheesy quotes, so for all you haters out there.....suck it! haha jk......


"If you don't like something change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved"

"Success is how high you bounce after you hit bottom"

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to EVER let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken, probably more than once, and its harder every time. You'll break hearts to, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend, and you'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast and you'll eventually lose someone you love, so take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back <3

"When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"

"What lies before us and what lies beyond us is tiny compare to what lies within us"

"The lesson is in the struggle, not in the victory."

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal"

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, the we do not see the ones which open for us"

"If your ship doesn't come in, swim to it"

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. IF you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."

<3 <3 That's all for now folks

Future Frenzy

So I have been neglectful to writing in my blog, my goal was to do at least 1 post each week (oops!) However, I have been too busy enjoying the people in my life to write. Please forgive me!

For those of us hitting the job market, November means one thing; second round interviews! (okay, maybe its just me and my habit of interviewing everywhere....) I kicked off this November with Liberty Mutual. I really liked all the people I met there and they offered me a very generous salary, but my gut tells me its not the place for me. Maybe its just that after my corporate, working in downtown Seattle, experience from the summer I was scared away, but I think that is because I won't be happy in a similar situation to this summer. Who knows though, I definitely haven't made up my mind; I have to wait for feedback from all my interviews before making any final decisions.

I just finished my interview at Boeing today and now I can say I survived my first "team project" interview. I don't like them. Especially when two of my teammates take way too long talking, completely blowing the presentation, and also, taking all of my presentation time, leaving me to just sit and watch........awesome. So not sure what I'm going to hear back from Boeing....

Interview at Foster Farms the next two days. I can honestly say that I am really exhausted and super stoked to get more than 5 hours of sleep. Thanksgiving break is going to rock! Oh wait, my family is crazy and gets up at 7:00 am. So much for more sleep.

Anyways, on top of that I've been trying really really hard to transform my attitude about the future. By nature, I am a worrier; to a certain extent its who I am. However, I am a logical enough person that I have learned that fearing for the worst does not prevent the worst from happening, it just affects your current happiness. So I've been trying not to worry about things that are out of my control, like entering the real world and having to start over again, going to China and all that comes along with that, and much more. As the saying goes "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference."

I'm mostly working on the whole accepting the things I cannot change part :)

Till next time loves! (send me happy thoughts for my interview day tomorrow! 4 nights in a row of less than 6 hours of sleep.....I'll need it)

Home is where the heart is

You know that the Pullman bug has bitten when you go home for the weekend and miss it. Its a Saturday night but as my family believes 10 pm is late, I am chilling here with not a lot to do besides listen to my friend T-swizzle and write enlightening words for the world to enjoy.

I helped my brother move today; he's all grown up! What a study, now all he needs is a nice lady friend to whip him into shape. We played tennis and made plans for Christmas break including playing racquetball eeeerrrrryy day! :) I also wheeled and dealed with him to give me a ride to and from Pullman so I have a car over thanksgiving break; what a relief.

As usual I was exasperated but delighted and thankful for my mom and all her shenanigans. Every moment with her is a surprise and an adventure. I'm glad she puts up with all of us making fun of her :)

This isn't a very exciting blog. Life is surprisingly very good right now. At the moment I am content with the indefinence (not a real word?) of my future, and I'm doing my best to enjoy life as it is now. Coming home always reminds me just how incredibly blessed I am to have the family I do. Last year, right after getting out of a relationship the night before, my dad came and gave me a big hug and said "its alright missy, we'll always be here for you; you can't break up with us."

Over the past few years I've learned how incredibly true his statement was. I love my friends, but let's be honest, they come and go. Most of the relationships in our lives seem to be transitory, and that's okay. My family are the only people (other than my hubby someday hopefully) that I can count on to be there no matter what, for the rest of my life. Even if I'm hurting from my own stupid choices, they'll still be around to pick me up. Even if I hurt someone else, they'll still forgive me.

I'm glad the family I got stuck with is loopy, quirky, and a little dysfunctional :) Life would be boring without them, and I wouldn't want anyone else to have my back (after all, we do have the best back sides around) <3

late night chats

So a mixture of half a gallon of rasberry ice tea, aching head, and soar throat is preventing me from some much needed rest. I hit up the sleepy time tea, but while I'm waiting for it to kick in, I think I'll write :)

Early this week while daydreaming in Finance, and idea, or analogy if you will, popped into my head. This may of been more solid when it first came to me, or when I wasn't sleep deprived and sicky :( So forgive me if it doesn't live up to the vision in my mind. Also, please refrain your dirty minds from "balls" jokes ;)

I was thinking about my life, the struggles and successes I've had, and why I am where I am. Suddenly I envisioned us all as jugglers. Yes, I know, weird, but think about it. We all start out at some point, probably just juggling one ball, getting the feel for it. Some people may get ahead of themselves, start out with 2 or 3 way before they are ready and end up failing miserably. As we grow, and gain skill, some of us choose to take it easy, keep juggling just one ball. Its not challenging, and there's minimal reward or satisfaction. You'll never draw a big audience; you'll never grow, but it is the easiest choice. Some jugglers push forward way to fast moving into knives and flaming things because they want a shortcut to the top, but their mistakes are either fatal or irreconcilable. Then there is everyone else, somewhere in between; pushing ourselves sometimes, hurting ourselves sometimes, but overall staying in the game. Some of us juggle to challenge ourselves and gain pride, other's to gain the attention and respect of others.

As for myself, I am a little more towards the reckless end, but not to0 reckless. I like to juggle the most dangerous number of items as I am capable. Although this has resulted in some severe injuries and some significant setbacks, overall my strategy has seemed to work. Over time I have developed strength and recover from injuries much more rapidly. I've learned from my mistakes, and I proceed with more caution after each failure. My only concern is; when am I going to drop the ball next?

Not so sober October

It's been a crazy month. I turned 21, went to bars, and went a little bit crazy. Let's be realistic though, "crazy" for me is not really anything by Pullman standards. It has been a rough time. Life was just so damn good for a while; it seems like that never lasts. It seems as if happiness has an ebb and flow.

I am really disappointed in myself for my actions over the last bit of time. I picked my own happiness over that of someone else I care about. I also feel like I crossed one of my own moral boundaries, and I'm afraid its going to come around and bite me in the butt.

While I'm venting and being emo, I'll continue along the same lines. My fear of ever finding someone I'm happy with long term continues to grow. I know I am young and I don't necessarily like the idea of being tied down for the rest of my life RIGHT now, at the same time I do want to find that person. I'm just afraid I'm one of those people who is too picky for too long and then ends up alone. I know I'm really independent, but I love having someone to take care of and who makes me feel special. (the other parts are equally as nice too ;) )

I hate being sad. I don't know how to deal with it. I don't really have anyone that I can confide my deepest darkest secrets to anymore. I think its better that way; its probably better for me to keep that stuff to myself. I guess I'll just continue to put on my happy face until I get out of this rut.

On a brighter side, I'm going to Liberty Mutual this week for an interview. Hotel Monaco, oh how I have missed you! :D

Yay College!

So I am sitting here in one of my favorite study places; the quiet lounge in the cub. I need to be studying and preparing for a study group I have in approx 25 minutes, but my focus is shot. This has been a crazy week, and my brain can only take so much studying/craziness. So instead of working on some fun fun Finance 325 problems, I'm gonna write!

Ever since graduating high school, it has been hard for me to grasp how incredibly fast life changes. It seems as if in college one week your life seems set: the friends you hang out with, the people you're dating, they way classes are going, you're plans for the future. Then Kablamo! some event takes place and your world is flipped. New plans, new friends; completely different circumstances.

At first, this new way of life was really hard for me to adjust to. Western was kind of a disaster, well at least the first quarter. I learned how to roll with the punches though, and every time my world got flipped I recovered a little faster.

So, here I am again, in a similar position. Recent events have substantially changed my daily life. My plan was to graduate this year because Ernst and Young said I had to if I wanted to work for them. I was cool with that because I wasn't that happy at school, but by then end of Spring semester I was definitely feeling the Pullman love. When I decided EY wasn't for me I didn't think about the fact that I could stay longer. It was only during interviews that it occurred to me: "Hey, I could stay longer if I wanted, but I don't know what classes I would take" As a result, I proceeded with interviews

As I was studying away for my insanely ridiculously hard Finance exam, I realized how much I thoroughly enjoy the material I'm learning. How much it fits with my obsession to save money and always get the best deals. My finance teacher (who is awesome, even if his tests are a little excessive) has already tried to convince me to take more classes, but I'm going to China next semester. Getting a financial background would be ideal as I could work in Information Systems for finance departments; not many people have both skills.

As I have already gotten the ball rolling on interviews at a couple awesome places, I'm not sure that staying for a semester/year will be an option. All I know is that I am incredibly tired of getting comfortable in a place and then having to completely uproot again. Probably nothing will come of these ponderings because although finance is awesome, I'm not sure it awesome enough for me to miss out on making $55,000.

Pessimistic Romantic

I'm a pessimistic person when it comes to relationships. I got into the "serious relationship game" early, and had it blow up in my face. The worst of these experiences leaving me confused and having no faith in my judgment in people, men in particular.

Of course though, someone had to come along and prove me wrong, and be a perfectly lovely man. Unfortunately that didn't work for me either. I got restless and got the hell out of dodge. This may have been worse (not more painful), then the first because I lost faith in myself. Maybe I just am not good at this whole commitment thing. Maybe I just don't know what to do with stability in my life, and maybe I don't want it.

I love being free. Most of the time its a good thing, because not many girls out there like being single. I'm a romantic though, and I love being in relationships too, at least for a while. I'm just afraid of getting attached to people and afraid of people getting attached to me because it always ends up with both people sad and hurt. I am afraid that I'm no longer capable of loving someone the way I did when I was naive and a hopeless romantic.

I could go on and on. I have a lot on my mind and I'm in a rambly mood, but I'm going to restrain myself.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

-good ol' Marilyn, she had some good things to say

Confidence

I am an observer. I watch people, and I try to learn from them. For a while now, the idea of charisma has mystified me. What makes a person interesting to others. Why are we naturally drawn to certain people. What makes a person a "natural leader." I would think about the alpha girl in high school, and the leader of my group of friends. When they talked people would listen. WHY did they have this power, and how could I get it? I had an epiphany a while back. The one thing that seems to draw people in is confidence. I don't mean arrogance; its those who have landed in that small zone right in between arrogance and insecurity.

Confidence has always been an evasive thing for me. I was not born a confident person. In fact, I have faced some pretty severe body image issues before. Others used to determine my confidence, I needed their approval to feel okay about myself. I needed boys to be drooling all over me to feel attractive.

Somewhere along my journey I realized that I needed to take my fate into my own hands. To stop acting like a victim and own up to my mistakes. To stop depending on others approval. It has not been an easy process. It has taken a lot of determination to overcome my insecurities and bad habits. The one thing I have learned is that it doesn't matter who you are going to be. What matters is that YOU decide who you're going to be, and you freakin rock it. Start acting like a rock star and people will think you are one. And they'll want a piece of it. Start acting confident and people will think you are. Eventually, you'll be able to stop acting, because you will be a rock star; you will be that confident person that everyone looks up to.

Its amazing sit back and look at what my life has become. The opportunities I have been given are incredible. Its hard for me to believe that some of the things that have happened in the last year really did happen. At times I wanted to pinch myself to make sure I was awake and not dreaming. It all begin when I decided who Kara Rucker was, and that I was going to freaking ROCK at being Kara Rucker.