Sunday, June 26, 2011

Let's Get this Party Started

So I really should be going to bed right now but I wanted to write a blog recapping my first week while it was fresh. I know that once the week starts I'll probably run out of time. Orientation week was awesome. I had a blast getting to know new people. It is really fun to have a completely clean slate and be in an environment where everyone is trying to make new friends. My sleep schedule for the week was a downward trend going from 8-6-5-0 hours of sleep by wednesday night (8 hours was sunday night). I'm not sure I have ever been that sleep in my life. Clearly it is good that I'm done with college because I don't handle sleep deprivation as well as I used to. I mean, in my delirium, I chose a seat in the front row so it would be super obvious to the speaker whenever I nodded off...NICE.

Other than work, things are on the up and up from last week. I am sufficiently distracted and bouncing back. Not to say that a little uneasiness doesn't creep in every now and then still. I think having to start over SO many times in the last 4 years has left me a bit uneasy about it. When we were giving out random facts about ourselves last week I realized I've actually attended four different colleges in 4 years. That's pretty nuts.

All in all, I am just really excited for what the future holds. I feel like I'm starting off on quite the adventure. Having my own place, forming friends, and beginning my career. It's easy to look at it and be intimidate and sad that I'm growing up, but its also easy to look at it and all the opportunities it leads to, which is what I am choosing to do. So here's to me, enjoying the moment and living life to the fullest :)

That's all you get for now, its bed time for me! (also, I apologize ahead of time for typos, I wrote this quickly)

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Roller Coasters

Me: "Talk about an emotional roller coaster"
Friend: "At least you like roller coasters"
Me: "not for too long, cuz then they make you puke. I think I'm at the metaphorical puking stage"
Friend: "Yeah dude, I think you need to take a break"

Isn't that just the most entertaining conversation ever? I'm not going to lie, as of right now I'm in one of those places where I really wish I could just erase my memory and not ever have to think about the things that happened in the last couple of months. Unfortunately I can't do that, at least not that I know of, unless that contraption from Men in Black is real and the government is just hiding it from us! (yeah I just went there)

I know I need to shake things off and move on and I am trying really hard to do so. I have no doubt that I'll get there, because I always do. It's hard not to worry about the future though. I am afraid that I won't be able to meet awesome new people now that I'm not in college anymore, or that I'll never find a guy who actually appeals to me on the West side. Or that I will continue my pattern of falling for the wrong ones. Yes, I realize this is absolutely ridiculous and illogical, but hey, its still something that crosses my mind every once in a while.

I am unnerved by the fact that I am a small town girl from Eastern Washington and lots of people on the west side look down upon that. Not because I care what they think, but because it creates a barrier between us, plus we just don't have as many common interests. I I like where I'm from and the people from where I'm from. I hope I can find my niche over here sooner rather than later :)

As far as a life update: I went to my first official day of work on Friday and got all my fancy goodies including a laptop and phone :) I am super excited to start my career at Boeing and cannot wait to see what the future holds. I'm STILL working on unpacking and getting my place in order. Gosh, moving is a pain in the butt. Well, that's about it for now. I have way too much to do and should probably get back to it!

Till next time <3

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Here's to new beginings

"The place to be happy is here. The time to be happy is now. The way to be happy is to make others so."

I found this quote on someone's facebook profile and I dig it. It's a good motto and fits with the attitude I am trying my best to achieve. Recent events and my current situation have caused me to do a lot of reflecting. I'll be honest, right now is not the easiest time for me to be happy. I don't do well when I have absolutely nothing to do because it leaves me too much time to think.

Just like most of the people I know, I try my very hardest to live my life without regrets. For me, at least in the past year, this usually meant trying new things and taking risks that pushed me out of my comfort zone. However, I think after my three most current relationship attempts(yes 3, I realize its a lot) I've learned something new. Sometimes living without regrets means holding holding yourself back. Sometimes the happiness something gives you in the moment is not worth the pain its repercussions will cause later. I think it is a very precarious balance between the two extremes that I most likely will never get exactly right, but hey, I'm human so its okay :)

I do know that it is important to focus on the good in my life instead of the bad, and to embrace where I'm at. That's my current challenge for myself. As we get older, time seems to move faster and faster, and it seems like everyone is always like "what I wouldn't give to go back to my single years, or college years, or high school years, etc. " It's extremely hard for me not to get caught up in trying to rush into whatever the next phase of my life is. For the first time in my life, I am getting a completely fresh start. Like I said, I want to embrace it.

Every single other time I have "started over" I have been also starting a long distance relationship. What is wrong with that picture? Seriously what is wrong with me that I continue to get myself into the same situation over and over again? So for once, I am starting with a completely clean slate. My focus will not be anywhere but with beginning my life Seattle, and I will not be fighting the endless emotional battle of trying not to let a relationship consume me. I REALLY want to take advantage of this opportunity and just live it up and have a blast . I LOVE being single. For reals. I know most girls say that but are actually lying, but I actually mean it. Right now I'm not all that happy about it, but I know I will get there. My general level of happiness thus far is MUCH higher when I am on my own. I am more confident and literally have no worries. I just need to do a better job at keeping it that way. After this last year I have confirmed more than once that I am not capable of having flings. I just can't do it. I get to attached and its not worth it. Quite frankly, I don't think I want to be the kind of girl who is okay with flings. Although it is fine for some people, it is hard for me to respect myself when I feel like I am just allowing a guy to take advantage of me, even if its supposedly what I want to. Maybe growing up in a small town with conservative parents made me a little bit traditional.

Hopefully I will do a better job keeping myself unattached at least for a while. It will take me improving my self control and will power, har har. I need to focus on building friendships and kicking ass in my career first and foremost. We like what we're good at and clearly I'm not to great at relationships, but I seem to be awesome at being single, so right now that's good enough for me. <3

Sorry, I know this post is rambly but I had a lot of different thoughts I wanted to get out. I will get back on track to more focused blogs in the next one hopefully!