It's been a crazy month. I turned 21, went to bars, and went a little bit crazy. Let's be realistic though, "crazy" for me is not really anything by Pullman standards. It has been a rough time. Life was just so damn good for a while; it seems like that never lasts. It seems as if happiness has an ebb and flow.
I am really disappointed in myself for my actions over the last bit of time. I picked my own happiness over that of someone else I care about. I also feel like I crossed one of my own moral boundaries, and I'm afraid its going to come around and bite me in the butt.
While I'm venting and being emo, I'll continue along the same lines. My fear of ever finding someone I'm happy with long term continues to grow. I know I am young and I don't necessarily like the idea of being tied down for the rest of my life RIGHT now, at the same time I do want to find that person. I'm just afraid I'm one of those people who is too picky for too long and then ends up alone. I know I'm really independent, but I love having someone to take care of and who makes me feel special. (the other parts are equally as nice too ;) )
I hate being sad. I don't know how to deal with it. I don't really have anyone that I can confide my deepest darkest secrets to anymore. I think its better that way; its probably better for me to keep that stuff to myself. I guess I'll just continue to put on my happy face until I get out of this rut.
On a brighter side, I'm going to Liberty Mutual this week for an interview. Hotel Monaco, oh how I have missed you! :D