Sunday, January 30, 2011

Reckless Abandon

I haven't written in while because I've been going through a bumpy time and I try my best not to write about issues if they affect others in my life. However, I need to write. I wrote a whole blog yesterday, then accidentally deleted it. I'm taking it as a sign that it wasn't what I should of been writing.

I also have avoided writing a blog because I don't know what to write. I have so many emotions going through me, and I jump from one emotion to the next so quickly that I'm having trouble sorting it out for myself.

I'm the kind of person that decides what they want, and then goes after it with everything that I've got. Whether its a sport, goal, friend, or boyfriend; its just how I roll. Call it determination, stubbornness, or whatever else you like. This approach to life has worked fairly well for me for the most part. I can blow through a lot of obstacles, and when I get knocked on my ass, I am so focused that I just shake it off and keep going. Sometimes though the obstacle is too big; its impossible to mow over or dodge, like a very, solid, large brick wall. However, I charge full speed ahead because that's what I do. Eventually I hit the wall and KABLAMO! I'm down for the count, sitting on the ground seeing stars, wondering how the hell I got there.

I've hit the wall enough times to have a little perspective. I know I will be okay and I know I just have to wait it out. That doesn't make it suck less right now though. I feel really helpless at the moment, and I don't like it, not one bit. For once, I don't know what to do to fix it other than wait it out. Not to sound like spoiled kid, but I freaking hate not getting what I want! haha

I leave for China in a little over 2 weeks. Craaaaazy. As with everything else in my life; I'm very conflicted. On one hand I'm really bitter and angry about going. I feel like it is kind of ruining my life (not to sound melodramatic or anything) On the other hand, I know that leaving for 9 weeks really can't be the sole cause of destruction. Along with that I'm really excited for such a crazy adventure and I am going to try my very best to embrace it. I'm excited to make new friends and try new things and buy lots and lots of super cheap stuff :) :) I have faith that the rest of my life with fall together as time goes on. I have an incredible group of people supporting me; I don't know how I get so lucky. On top of that I know I've got a lot going for me, and a lot to look forward to in the next year.

As of right now I'm not sure if the whole "reckless abandon" approach is a good one. I am pretty drained from the emotional roller coaster of the past year, yet there were so many phenomenal times and cherished memories that I can't regret it. I guess I'm going to just have to keep on rolling with the punches.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

2010 in a Nutshell :)

So I've been feeling conflicted on whether to do a summary blog of 2010 or to do a "lessons learned in college blog." I am not in a pensive enough mood right now to do the "lessons learned" blog so 2010 summary it is. 2010 was a emotionally charged year full of a lot of personal growth. I feel like I grew into myself and am coming closer to solidifying my values. I'm going to write this blog kind of survey-style, but I'm making the survey questions myself :)

Most Valuable People:
Mom - this year definitely had some downs and I always turn to my mom when I need someone to talk to
Kyle - being 10 miles apart was awesome. It was so nice of him to include me in his friends' group and activities
Isaac - for making me laugh, being a great friend as well as a great boyfriend :) Also for making my 21st birthday so much fun when it had the potential to be lousy.
Ben - it's so nice to have a good solid friend I can be my crazy self around, and for skydiving of course
Katharine and Dave - best roommates ever. Seriously.
Dave - for being that glimpse of happiness I needed during a very unhappy stage of my life
Sergey - for being such a good friend to me even after everything went down
Tom & Jesse - best MIS buddies ever
Kerri & Sam - for accepting me into the p-fam so quickly and bringing some much needed girl time into my life.
Paige - I'm so proud of everything you've done and am thankful we've stayed in contact. It meant a lot to me when you came to visit

There's probably a lot more, so sorry if I left you out. I'm really thankful for everyone in my life :)

New People: Sam, Kerri, North, David D, Mark M, Tyler, Jesse, Hank, Jaimie, Brandi, Matt, Kseniya, Big Dave, Brent

Fourth of July at my cabin with family and friends
-21st birthday
-being Daisy Duke for Halloween :)
-hanging out with the p-fam in Pullman
-Getting interviews at Google
-meeting so many fantastic people at the internship this summer
-weekends at the cabin
-June in Pullman
-New Years :)
-laughing until I couldn't breathe

-multiple internship and job offers
-4.0 GPA spring and summer semester
-forcing myself to be more social and make new friends
- winning the 448 project as well as the Business Case Competition :)

Things to do differently in 2011
-not so many failed relationships!
-open to trying new things
- don't let certain people walk all over me
-don't try to escape from my situation; instead try to fix it.

Lessons Learned
The biggest lesson I learned was to be more open minded about trying new things.

Also, I learned how incredibly important it is to be accepting of others. Just because they have different values and a different focus than me that does not mean they are wrong. In fact, it helps to balance me out to have friends with different ideas than myself

Going after my goals with reckless abandon has never hurt me in the long, even if my goals end up changing.

I am a major lightweight.

Confidence is magnetic.

My horrendous sense of direction makes navigating to new places in Seattle very difficult.

Favorite New Shows:
Modern Family
Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia


(New) 3Oh!3, Train, Owl City

Taylor Swift, Usher (but just one song)

ummm I can't think of any favorites more just the fact that there are a ton I need to watch in 2011....

I discovered Patricia Briggs who is an excellent author and I loved the series I read by her. Also, I'm reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo right now. Its pretty great.

Failed Goals:
Not reading through the Lord of the Rings series.
Losing contact with some of my friends from back home.
Not finding a church/making an effort to go to church

Favorite Gift

Well thats all I can think of right now. I can't believe how much my life has changed in this past year. Its madness. I know by this time next year I will probably be saying the same thing. Its scary and exciting at the same time. Thanks for reading everyone!