Saturday, July 23, 2011

"Forgivness is more than saying you're sorry...."

That's a quote from a comedy for those of you who don't know, I believe it was called "Just friends"

"I'm stubborn, impatient and a little bit insecure. At times I can be hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"

-Marilyn Monroe (with one word tweaked by me)

Recent events have caused me to contemplate shutting this whole blog business down. It's easy to forget that a LOT of people read this. In the end I decided that I just enjoy talking about myself too damn much, so I should maybe just take into account once again that my audience spans many generations and ideologies. Now, as the reader let me ask you to keep in mind that:

a.) This is MY life and although all aspects of it might not be perfect, I'd dare to say so far I've done pretty well for myself.

b.) If you are someone who truly cares about me, that means you love me for being who I am and doing things MY way, not doing them YOUR way; if that was the case I would just be a clone of someone you, and what's the fun in that?

c.) I know that most of you out there who read this truly want what's best for me. I know you want me to set my self up to succeed and also to not set myself up to get hurt. Believe me I want both of those things for myself very much too, and although it may not seem like it at times, I actually do think about my mistakes and everything that has gone wrong quite a bit, and am putting effort to not making the same mistakes more than once.

d.) If you know me, you also know that I am stubborn. I appreciate getting your honest opinion, but give it once and let it go. Overdoing it is just going to prevent me from sharing what is going on in my life with you.

Sorry to go on a rant there, just had to get it out in the open. I have so many topics I want to cover since I haven't been making time to write. I'll start with priority one, and see how far that takes me. A concept that has boggled my mind for a long time now is forgiveness. It first really started to be a subject I thought about.

That being said, I've been wanting to talk about a concept that I've spent a vast majority of my life pondering. Forgiveness. Ever since I became a Christan its been something that has really boggled my mind, and the events of this last year have caused me to think about it a lot as well.

When I was younger, I believed that I should forgive everyone an unlimited number of times for whatever "sin" they had caused. I battled myself because it was really hard for me to let go of things people had done to me, and it made me feel like I was failing. I never could achieve the "forget" part of forgive and forget, although I did fairly well with the other.

As I've grown up I've come to realize the forgiving everyone for everything is the equivalent to having no backbone. I had a very defining moment this winter where I realized it was time to stop letting the same people walk all over me time after time. But where is the line drawn? What error is an error so big that it is "unforgivable" How many times is too many times? No wonder the Christians decided it would be easier just to make people believe in Jesus...

I honestly don't have a specific definition. I've accepted the fact that I will never be capable of completely letting go and "forgetting" when someone has done me wrong, but that doesn't mean I can't move on and still maintain a friendship/relationship with them. I know as far as guys go I have a basic idea of where forgiveness boundaries lie, but as a friend once told me, I can make as many rules for myself as I want, but its incredibly hard to be objective when it is your own life and you are dealing with a specific situation.

I want to be a good person and I want to be forgiving, because I've sure been forgiven for my fair share of mistakes. I also want to maintain my own dignity and self respect.

I feel like this is one of those issues that I will ponder for most of my life and never have a definite answer to, but I just wanted to write about it. Please feel free to give your opinion, thoughts on the subject, I'm curious as to where everyone else stands.