Wednesday, March 26, 2014

forgive you not

I wrote this almost 3 years ago now.  Its raw and real, which is why I couldn't resist posting it. Enjoy.

I don't forgive you. What you did was wrong and I don't ever want to believe otherwise. I have been kind to you when I shouldn't have been. I have myself to blame for that. I gave you so many chances to redeem yourself but you miserably failed. I don't forgive you for ripping my heart out and stomping on it, and then YOU pretending to be the victim a year later. I don't forgive you for the lies you so cleverly got me to believe. I don't forgive you for breaking the heart of the girl you dated after me, and I am not happy for you now. I don't think you deserve to be with a nice girl; I think you will hurt her. I think you are a psychopath. I don't forgive you, either. One of my best friends, you decided to jump on the chance to date me when it arose. Once you realized dating actually took work, you just checked yourself out and used me until I had to leave. You were pathetic and you treated me like shit. You were so self absorbed that you also played the victim and felt sorry for yourself when all your friends quit hanging out with you because they were apauled at the way you treated me.  I have no respect for you. and YOU, I don't forgive you, for taking advantage of me when I was hurting, just like the lowest level of scumbag does. I am baffled as to why you made such an effort to care for me and get to know me. I would of had a lot more fun in China if I wasn't so attached to you the whole time. I came back and within a week you changed your mind, but you were too much of a coward to tell me why. It was the least you could of done after succeeding in making me fall for you. You know what happened next. Watching you with that other girl was some some of the sharpest emotional pain I've ever felt. I don't know if I will ever be completely "over it." Every time I am reminded of you, I go straight to that horrifying memory. I still cannot believe you did that. You are a terrible person. Only the most selfish kind of person would do something like that, and only the most cowardly would apologize for their actions via text message. You are my biggest regret. Nothing good came out of our "whatever you want to call it." If I could go back in time, and choose not to do it, I would. Now I am stuck dealing with you because you are still friends with all of my friends. So, there you have it, the unforgiveable few. I am not angry about these things any more unless I try to be. But I don't, and I do my best to avoid thinking about them. There are people in everyone's life who don't deserve to be let back in.

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